What factors define our attitude and how to develop a positive attitude? Part-2

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This is part  2 of the topic.

To read Part 1 Please Click Here:


2. Another factor that defines our attitude is our past experiences in life.

This is simple and straight forward reason, but quite often we forget to implement it to develop positive attitude.

Often we carry a huge baggage of both good and bad experiences we had in life, almost eternally.

For good memories, we want to relish them more and more and wish they  happen again. For bad memories, we wish they had never happened. In both the situations, we forget the beautiful present we have in front of us.

Just hankering and lamentation.


Let’s welcome the morning with open arms. Let’s promise to ourselves to face every situation, may what come with all our might, with smile.


Another aspect of our past experiences is sudden blunder people make. A very gentleman/woman, well mannered, well educated and balanced may suddenly  do something very unexpected, like they may steal something or abuse people for very trivial thing.


What to do about it?


-Prayers (If you believe in some Rational-Good-Loving-Really Peaceful God/Power ).
-Self-less service to others including to animals and nature.


Note: Many forms of meditation don’t need you to “believe” in some “God”. If you do, well, that’s fine, if you don’t, even then its perfectly OK. You can still meditate, like meditation forms which focus on breathing and finest vibration that happens in body. E.G.  one free, but genuine and trust worthy is :  Vipassana Meditation. Not sure, if they have their center in your country.

How these things can help us to manage our past experiences?

Our mind is always bombarded with hundreds of thoughts. Some past lamentation, some present, few future worries. On top of that, there are thorny monsters of bad experiences which are like volcanoes , ready to explode anytime with little provocation or in future if someone sufficiently  dig into it.

When we meditate or pray or serve others selflessly, we help these thoughts to dissolve in positive energy. It’s like a river of peace flowing  in our mind which strengthen our  character and refine our attitude.


Truth and love in heart gives ultimate peace.


Moreover, by anyone or all of these 3 activities , we become peaceful with ourselves and our past.  Our mind subconsciously  make note of those pain areas, put them in right places and slowly moves towards dissolving them.

That’s why when you start meditation, initially you may get some disturbing thoughts, your anxiety actually increases. It’s because your mind is detecting and working on them for good. So, after sometime, it’s all peace and bliss.


  1. Upbringing

This  actually is a sub-part of factor 2, only thing is it’s more prominent.

Our present world is in turmoil. Wars,poverty,stress,insecurity, threat, broken families, lonely people. And believe me, it was actually always like this and will always be like this. Some or other problem will always be there.

However, earlier people had less options to degrade.

Now, click of a button on phone can provide abundant options, if you are willing to pay the price. All sorts of enjoyments from mind to body, everything is available. But, often such prices are family love and trust. Separated families and broken hearts.


Flickering happiness for uncontrolled desires. They are not worth it, but unable to control ourselves. There is more to it. Will discuss on this in another post.


Other side of picture is poverty, childhood abuse, social-political turmoil OR too lavish , care-free upbringing in childhood.


What to do for it?

Nothing. Just accept the fact. Love people who got troubled childhood due to stupidity of their parents. All of them have some “valid” reasons to console themselves. 

If it was lavish upbringing and person is somewhat insensitive to pains of others, we have to understand that it’s not his fault. Give time a chance. Everyone is taught good lessons by time. The greatest healer and the greatest teacher.


  1. Association:

When a cold iron is put close to fire, it also becomes red hot.  This is the effect of association.

The type of friends we have, books we read, movies we watch , papers and magazines we read are our real association.  Remember yourself after you read a beautiful love story or a heroic adventure and compare your mood to when you read a depressing story.


Needless to say, the type of association we keep make a major contribution towards building our attitude.  The importance of good association is known to everyone, easily doable, still ignored by most.


It’s not that it’s difficult to get good association. But we are actually afraid from inside. It means we have to change ourselves. We are afraid due to intertia that our habits may change with which we have become accustomed to.


Trick: Book are easiest one to change. And i recommend you start with reading good, positive books.  Then change the type of movies you watch.


It’s most difficult to change our friend circle. Changing friend circle doesn’t mean that we ignore or insult our old friends. But, if some of our friends have bad habits which may affect us and become a roadblock to our growth, then politely avoid them.

It’s actually not that uncommon. Do you remember your school friends. How many of you school friends or college friends are still with you. May be few. In-fact, may be none. As we proceed in life, we change our friends due to time, place and circumstances.


But now, you should make friends consciously. Not that you judge people on basis of their looks or economical status. A good unsuccessful friend is better than successful bad friend. A person who is kind, peaceful, have clean habits and big visions, caring, love others  is better as these are good qualities. You can learn from them.


If a person is cruel, bad tempered or harmful to others, but somehow is polite-courteous-good to you. Avoid such person. Air that goes around, comes around. He/She may change any day.


Develop a habit to daily read a good book, listen to good music and listen to great visionary people.


  1. Will Power:

All said and done, at the end it’s will power only that decides our destiny.

In spite of all negative circumstances, if a person has strong will power, that alone will bring him/her out of all miseries and take to success.

A person may have very bad experiences in life, troubled childhood, bad upbringing, bad association, nasty neighborhood, but still if he has strong will power, he can pull himself our of it.

You might have seen, even while inside a group, strong willed person can say ” No, what they are doing is not good. This is what I think is right and i am going to do what is think is right“.

By developing strong will power, you can see that certain thoughts in your “thought body” , certain habits are not in line with what you want in life. So, those must be changed. And you can.

“Energy flows where intent goes.”

Is the ocean water enemy or friend of ship?  If water goes inside the ship, then it becomes enemy, but when outside the ship, water helps ship to cross the ocean.

Similarly, there may be ocean of negativity around us, too many problems, too many roadblocks, but if you allow them to come inside you and affect you, you will be drowned. But, if you take them a challenge and try to overcome them, after every problem you solve, after every roadblock you cross, you will become stronger and better.


So, in summary there are 5 factors that define our attitude

  1. Self-identification / Self-image
  2. Previous experiences in life
  3. Upbringing
  4. Association
  5. Will power.


Will power being the most important of all.



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